REVIEW: The Real Agent ‘Argylle’ Is The Friends We Made Along The Way

Butts in seats, guys, and eyes up at the screen because Argylle is the movie event not to miss. The latest from director Matthew Vaughn spy-thriller farce is here. You need to immediately grab a group of friends and get ready to goof off. Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) is a spy novelist whose incredibly popular books are about Agent Argylle (Henry Cavill) and his partner Wyatt (John Cena). As it turns out, their betrayal by the Agency turns out to be happening in real life. A real spy, Aiden (Sam Rockwell), intercepts Elly and her faithful cat, Alfie (Chip), before the Agency can grab her. Everybody is after the next chapter of her book so they can find the location of information essential to keeping the Agency’s evildoing a secret.

This is not a serious movie. It’s not Mission: Impossible. It’s not James Bond. It is barely even Kingsman. Not a single second of Argylle should be taken seriously. None of it. Not its bad script. Not its bad line readings. Nor its atrocious costuming. And certainly not the number of times the camera blinks, and you can see its eyelashes. If you go into Argylle expecting something even an ounce serious, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. The movie is long, a little meandering, and has enough twists to nauseate you. As long as you’re not already puking from the number of times, the camera blinks on a moving train to switch Henry Cavill and Sam Rockwell out for each other.

But if you can keep it in and let yourself chill out, Argylle can, and should, be a great time. From the very beginning until the last scene, there are perfectly quotable, entirely stupid lines. My friends renamed our group chat moments after leaving the theater with a series of emojis to spell out one of the best, “Guns down, boys, knives up!” Being alone in my laughter for most of the movie only hardened my stance that it is hilarious. It’s simply misunderstood.

You can scoff all you want, Argylle is just going to scoff right back at you. With every stilted line reading from Howard, you get four that nail the cross between anxiety and knowing that makes her character shine. Rockwell plays off her energy at every turn, and she reciprocates as the two characters evolve together.

Cena and Cavill are quite practically in a different movie, and it’s an absolute thrill every time the movie switches to their imaginary world. Cena especially proves that he is an asset to every single movie he’s in by cracking wise in all of his brief appearances. Meanwhile, Cavill has little to add unto himself, but the way he’s played off of either Howard or Rockwell most of the time makes his little smile quite charming.

Of course, every second that Samuel L. Jackson is on screen is a blessing. It’s nearly at a point in his career where he’s simply playing himself and not acting, and you know what? He deserves that, especially in a movie as absurd as Argylle. Some choices are questionable. Alfie the Cat’s CGI shows poorly. I’m not sure if a real cat is ever on screen, despite one being graciously credited. The CGI is also atrocious in a couple of moments clearly not shot on location.

Harper’s costume change in the final act is also quite questionable. It’s meant to be a cheeky reflection of the costume Dua Lipa wears in the beginning. Unfortunately, it’s very poorly tailored. It straddles a line between trying to play for laughs and being offensive due to body type differences. Either way, the same point could probably have been made without being potentially compromising. Howard and Rockwell both look ridiculous in these costumes. The ridiculousness intensifies when they dance in an amazing final act of action-comedy-dance numbers. Let Bryce Dallas Howard at least look good doing it.

I’m not really one to use this phrase much because it’s trite, but after Argylle‘s many twists and turns, I am thrilled to declare that the real Agent Argylle is simply the friends we made along the way. The movie is only as good as the company you watch it in.

If you’re in a theater full of grumps who expect a serious action thriller, you’ll be sorely disappointed. If you go into it expecting every minute to be insincere and every line reading to be mediocre on purpose, you’ll probably have a great time. I don’t know if Matthew Vaughn made this movie with the intention of every line being laughed at, but nonetheless, that’s what this movie is. It’s something to be laughed at, but it’s laughing at itself with you the whole time.

Argylle is such a good time. Don’t let the sourpusses on the internet or the number of times you’ve had to sit through the trailer get you down on it in advance. With a good group of friends and the right expectations about its sense of humor, you’ll be in for a great time. And look, one way or the other, the greater the spy, the bigger the lie, am I right?

Argylle is available now on VOD.