REVIEW: ‘Duchess’ Is A Slog Of An Action Flick

There was a time when Neil Marshall was one of the more exciting directors in the genre space. His cult classic Dog Soldiers gave him a springboard into the claustrophobic horror masterpiece The Descent. That film was followed by a couple interesting projects in Doomsday and Centurion, before the disastrous 2019 reboot of Hellboy halted his momentum. While it’s easy to pin that project’s issues on extreme creative differences between Marshall and producers, his next two low-profile projects, The Reckoning and The Lair, fared little better. His latest, Duchess, is a new low. A film that so badly wants to be seen as stylish and clever, Duchess is an inert mess that doesn’t even seem convinced of its own value.

The first few minutes of Duchess are as desperate as it comes. A voiceover by the titular character, Scarlett Monaghan/”Duchess” (Charlotte Kirk), does the classic “I bet you’re wondering how I got into this situation” shtick as an undercover Duchess commits a gruesome act of violence onto a character she’s ostensibly getting revenge on. A fine idea for a moment, sure, killed by a half-heartedness that leaves no room for anything other than indifference. Every aspect of the scene, from neon lighting courtesy of cinematographer Simon Rowling to Kirk mugging to the extreme trying to be a new cinematic badass, is cynically calculated to be a teenage boy’s new favorite movie.

That’s not a terrible aspiration in theory. There are plenty of films, namely The Boondock Saints, that are able to synthesize the trends of the time into an exciting, “turn your brain off” or not, shoot-em-up. Duchess brings nothing to the table in terms of excitement. The storyline follows petty criminal Scarlett Monaghan who winds up in a whirlwind romance with a member of the underground diamond trade, Robert McNaughton (Philip Winchester). Once things go south, Scarlett, affectionately dubbed “Duchess” by Robert, goes off on a mission for revenge.

Audience members will struggle to keep up with the haphazardly put together husk of a plot that’s supposed to form the backbone of Duchess. Duchess is a collection of moments that on paper should be exciting. Neil Marshall and Charlotte Kirk’s third script together fails to elevate familiar beats into anything substantial. Unless, of course, you consider a poor imitation of gangster films and revenge tropes substantial. The central romantic pairing of Robert and Duchess have negative chemistry, so there’s not even a real anchor to keep the audience invested. If you had told me that Duchess was written entirely via AI, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

Hell, if someone told me Duchess was entirely produced via AI, I wouldn’t be surprised either. The only spark of life in Duchess comes from a decently fun supporting performance from the game Stephanie Beacham as wicked crime lord Charlie. Despite the involvement of veteran performers like Gotham‘s Sean Pertwee and others, Duchess has no personality whatsoever.

The action sequences? A limp mishmash of shaky handheld camerawork and blood deployed seemingly at random. The score? Completely unremarkable. Our lead character? A supposed new action icon who we’re given no reason to truly like other than her being the protagonist of the movie. Duchess‘ biggest strength is that it might bring to mind much better movies from the likes of Guy Ritchie and Matthew Vaughn.

Duchess isn’t a first draft that accidentally got released. It’s not even a brainstorming session sloppily thrown onto screen. Duchess is, first and foremost, a complete waste of time; an experience that yields nothing but the desire to check your watch. Charlotte Kirk and Neil Marshall seem to enjoy their collaboration together. Good for them. I only hope that next time it can results in something at least possible, because Duchess is a slog of an action flick that is so fundamentally flaccid in all respects that it’s not even “so bad it’s good”, it’s just a chore to sit through.

Duchess is now available in select UK cinemas and available on VOD on August 12, 2024.